I am tired of defending myself.

Was I THAT bad? Wat are u so afraid of?

Mind’s in pieces. Constant metal band in head. Total confusion.

I need answers.

Soon.

Or else I’m gonna blow.

Off to class to let off some steam.

Dance therapy.

• Animal abusers
• Drivers who think they fucking own the entire blurdy road
• People who litter
• People who act like they’re too big for their own heads
• Being asked the same question over and over and over again, even though I give the same answer each time
• Being told/reprimanded abt how I feel or how I should feel – my feelings are entirely my own
• Backstabbers
• People who are unfaithful to their partners
• Organizations/individuals who think only of short-term gains instead of long-term planning
• Hypocrisy
• Servicing clients
• Having to put on a ‘nice’ front when I’m seething with anger inside
• Rude/Indifferent sales/customer service people – defeats the purpose entirely coz I won’t buy ur product and u’re not servicing customers

The mind’s very frazzled today, feels like a warzone, so decided to cool off by playing some online games. I guess serving notice period is the only time that will afford me the luxury to play games at work *evil grin*

Wanted to play Yahoo! Towers but for some reason, it wouldn’t load so am now currently stuck on Bejeweled 2.

This version is much cooler than the one on MSN in terms of graphics.

I like playing the Action mode. Fighting against the timer gives quite a rush, especially when the jewels start trembling when time’s almost out.

Oooooo… it hung the first time I was trying to load it. I like how the sunburst thingy turned out, hehe…

I had a conversation with Patchy this morning, on my bed…

Me : Yes Patch, wat do u want?
Patch : Meow…
Me : Yes?
Patch : Meeeooww…
Me : Yah..
Patch : Yooowww… *rubs against me*
Me : Aaawww…
Patch : Meeeoowww…

And it went on for a little while more. Not that I understood her meows at all… but it was comforting that my cat ‘talked’ to me.

I believe that some animals can sense when their human is distressed, troubled, agitated, and in general, not like his/her normal self. And during these times, these animals would try to comfort their human, in different ways. My cat ‘talks’ to me and my parents. When my mom wasn’t well, she stuck by my mom’s side like glue. Just having her next to her was a source of comfort for my mom.

Animals (pets, specifically) are such easy to please creatures. Just give them food and board and love, and they’ll give u unconditional love in return.

I love my kats… MEOW!

Today has been one helluva traumatic day.

My head’s pounding again.

I wish I could just disappear.

Sigh…

See, I’ve got this friend who found out that her now ex-husband (whom I also know) was cheating on her almost from the day they got registered. They’ve been together for 6-7 yrs before this.

She got a job outstation and he was in KL. Her plan was to get transferred to KL after a certain period. After a few months of working, he proposed and they got registered. One year down the road, after doing some investigation, she found out that he’d been cheating on her with numerous women. When she came back to KL for visits, he’d be off somewhere, leaving her at home alone, on the pretext of having to go back to work.

Needless to say, she divorced him, but not after he’d caused her tremendous heartache and mental strain.

See, wat I dun understand is, why did he even bother to propose in the first place?? If he wants to have multiple women, then just be a player lar. Just be single and go have his one-nite stands and all that shit. Why even have a girlfriend or wife in the first place??

Some men are just scum. And women too. Why even be attached if u wanna cheat? Is there no such thing as self-restraint? Even if u found someone else u think u like better, at least just break it off with ur current partner before hooking up with the other person. At least it’s all out in the open. It doesn’t matter if u have the worst relationship in the world (if it were THAT bad, why didn’t u call it off sooner?). No one deserves to be cheated on.

And then there is the other type of women. If they got duped by the guy into thinking he’s single and unattached, then maybe it’s not as bad, as long as they come to their senses. The worst ones are those women who already know the man is attached but yet, choose to cling to the man like he’s the only male available in the whole wide world. Do they feel good about breaking up other ppl’s relationships? Wat if it were to happen to them? How would they feel?

Wat’s more devastating is when it happens to someone u know, both the recipient and the giver. U feel hurt for the recipient and total disgust towards the giver, coz u can’t imagine that someone u know could actually do something so despicable.

Is it any wonder that the sanctity of marriage will soon become extinct and divorces would be as common as having flies at a mamak stall? Oh wait, I think this is already a fact.

ARGH! My neckache and headache are back… dammit.

Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating…

just like how a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie…

REGARDLESS of the cause, intention, and outcome.

I prefer to be occupied with work and having to meet deadlines rather than sit at my desk with nothing to do… )

This past year, I’ve learnt a painful lesson :

1. Never ever ever assume that you will never fall for a single and available guy that ur gal friend fancies (even if he doesn’t fancy her)
2. Never ever ever even insinuate to the said gal friend that u will never fall for a single and available guy that she fancies (even if he doesn’t fancy her) lest it be miscontrued as a promise on ur part, even though she says it’s ok, she won’t mind if u do
3. In short, NEVER SAY NEVER, coz u know wat??

Things change, people change… and BAM! U suddenly find urself attracted to the said guy and vice versa, and before u know it, u’re together BUT now, u’re perceived to have betrayed the said gal friend for going out with a guy she likes, never mind the fact that he doesn’t fancy her. Never mind the fact that u’ve never planned for it to be this way. Never mind the fact that u’re just as shocked as to how it turned out. Never mind that u tried to deny it for as long as u could.

Wat can I say… it’s my fault… I said ‘never’ too soon. Never say never, remember?

BUT I refuse to feel guilty anymore coz (1) I didn’t ‘steal’ him from anyone – he was single and available, and (2) I didn’t distract his attention from anyone else (as far as I was aware). If he had shown any interest at all in the said gal friend, or any other gal, I’d have backed off right away.

I guess I assume too much a lot of the time. I assume that ppl are like me and think like me. Like, if I were in the position of the said gal friend, I wouldn’t see it as a betrayal coz heck, he doesn’t like me so that’s all there is to it. After that is confirmed, any and every female out there is open to ‘catch’ him, even my gal friends, coz nothing I say or do is gonna make him like me THAT WAY anyway. Sure, it might hurt but I’d like to think that I’m big enuf to wish them well and hope they have a happy life together AND move on with my life. Life’s too short to be moping around anyway. But that’s just me… I can’t expect others to be like me. See, assuming again… tsk tsk…

I’ve been told that a normal good gal friend would never do wat I did. Well then, I guess I’m not a normal good gal friend. Heck, I dun even think that I THINK like a normal gal sometimes! I guess my definition of a good gal friend is different from that of the general female population. Well, ppl can judge me all they want. I know in my heart, and my true friends know that I’m not a person who’s out to hurt others intentionally and with malice.

We women are sometimes too complicated for our own good. But being the ‘not-so-normal’ gal I am at certain things (and blur too, at that), I guess that’s why I get along better with my guy pals. They’re far less complicated. Anything dun like or not happy, just whack only. Whack once not enuf, whack another time. Then all is fine and dandy again. Anything they want or dun want, like or dun like, they’d just say it to my face, and vice versa. Dun have to tiptoe around them and watch every single thing that I say. This, of course, excludes my circle of long-time gal pals, who grew up with me, fought with me, and who know me exactly as how I am and who I am, and know that I dun have any malice or bad intentions in me. And can say anything they want to me and I won’t take it to heart and vice versa.

I’m sorry for assuming too much, too often… I’m only human, not a saint. And being human, and knowing the fact that we can’t ever please every single person, we sometimes need to be a little selfish to find some happiness in our lives coz at the very least, we know wat we want.

I dun regret wat I did… not a single bit.