I have just learnt, yet again, never to use text-ing as a tool to get my message across.

I’d just either (1) call, or (2) say wat I want to say in person.

Since my Asiaworks post seems to be causing so much unwanted fuss, I’ve decided to remove it completely.

If you wanted to apologize, just say so directly. A simple “Sorry for pressuring u to [insert activity]. I understand u have ur views and it’s ok if u decide not to [insert activity].” Dun have to go all dramatic and say scathing things like “If u dun want to [insert activity], then don’t. Forget it. No point. I don’t want u to.” Even better, just pick up the phone and call. God knows how things get all screwed up and misunderstood in text. Hiding behind the other half and getting him/her to talk on your behalf is not going to make things better.

And u know wat?? I apologize. I apologize for agreeing to go to the event even though I didn’t want to. I apologize for trying to release some stress by ranting in my own blog. I apologize for swearing. I apologize for frantically trying to rush up my work the past 2 days just so I could get off by 7pm today to get to ur event. I apologize for ALWAYS “reading too much” into your words, though I was just reading the msgs as how they appeared to me. I apologize for never learning, after all this time, that this is who you are and this is how you’ll be always.

I’ve just about had it. Every time something like this happens, it’s always me who’s “reading too much” into your words. Or me being too sensitive. Even after telling u that I don’t like it when u say things that way to me and to pls tone it down coz u always claimed that u didn’t know that I was upset. But hey, why listen to me in the first place? I’m always at fault anyway. But u know wat?? I’ve finally just realized that it’s not ALWAYS my fault.

Reality check. I’m NOT like u. Not all of us are like u. Do NOT expect every one of us to be like u. And do NOT expect everyone to think the same way u do and react the same way u would if u’d had the same things said/done to u. It’s rather sad, how u’d apologize humbly to a friend but when it comes to the ppl u’re supposed to be closest to, the same humility doesn’t apply. All we get is a harsh/scathing “If u dun want, then dun do it/dun go. No point.” Or so it seems to me.

Haha… I gave TB a 2-page To-Do list. With lots and lots of white space on the page. And even then, only the 1st page is sorta urgent. And I’m only on leave for 3 days.

He gave me a 5-page To-Do list, each page fully filled up. Almost everything was urgent. He was in Singapore for 4 days.

I’m efficient, hehe.

“Kamu pergi tidur dulu lah. We’ll probably be ready for testing at 5.30am.”

So said one of our IT guys at 2.45am this morning, where we were all gathered since 12am, at one of our technical facilities (is that what they’re called?) in Kepong. They were there to perform one of the migration exercises for our users and we were there to test the system after the migration to make sure everything was migrated correctly as planned.

So fine, he showed me where the surau was, and said I could nap there. But seeing that it was hard floor (carpeted), I knew my back would scream bloody murder when I woke up so I decided to nap in my car. But before I dozed off, I text The Boss (TB) and told him to SMS me when they were ready for testing.

Fast forward to 4.30am. I woke up and texted TB again, “Are they ready yet?” No answer after 5 mins. So I decided to go upstairs and check on them. I got there, the place was bustling with activity.

Me : So what’s happening? Are we ready to test yet?
TB : We’re almost done already.
Me : WHAT???!!! How come you didn’t call me???!!!!
TB : You were sleeping. Didn’t wanna wake you mar.
Me : HALLO???!!! I didn’t come all the way here in the middle of nite to SLEEP while you were testing! I might as well have not come at all and stayed at home and slept! I told you to SMS me when they were ready!!!!
TB : Ya meh? I didn’t get ur SMS also. I had the test SIM card in my phone as soon as we got here.
Me : ARGH!!!! O_o *smacking head against the wall*

My whole nite wasted… for nothing!

I was upset… very very. GAH!

I just found out how difficult it is to try to speak in Cantonese with my very limited knowledge of the language.

See, I’ve to call this bunch of customers up to tell them that we’re giving them free tickets to this event we’re sponsoring in Penang next weekend. Since this is an event with Chinese artistes, naturally the customers we’re calling are the Chinese bunch. And me, being the banana that I am, am finding it such a struggle to talk to these ppl in Cantonese and occasionally, Mandarin! Phew!!! It’s quite a lot of effort trying to process the words first in English and translating it into Cantonese/Mandarin, and even then, only if I know the word in Cantonese/Mandarin. Needless to say, there were lots of “uums” and “ahs” and “errs”… quite sad, actually.

I give up (

Yaawwwnn… O_o

Am so sleepy right now.

My left eye is rather sore right now. Last nite, I think it got an itch attack and I’d rubbed it really hard without realizing (I was out like a log) and sometime during the nite, I woke up with my left eye throbbing and I could barely open it. I woke up and went to wash it but it was so sore and I still couldn’t open it. I did the next best thing.

I went back to sleep.

When I woke up, it was still sore and quite swollen but at least, I could open it.

I have a feeling I’ve scarred it or something. Coz when I move my head in a certain angle but continue looking towards the front, I can see a sort of fold on my eyeball, near my pupil.

O_o Tis not good.

Hope I haven’t permanently damaged my eyeball.

When things dun work out the way we want them to, sure, we’re entitled to feel sad/ hurt/ discouraged/ [insert your own negative adjective].

But after a certain period of ‘mourning’, we should get a grip, face the facts, and move on.

Nobody owes you anything. The world certainly doesn’t owe you anything. And not everything revolves around you. Stop victimizing yourself coz it’s not gonna change what has occurred and it’s not healthy to be constantly moping over what could have been, as much as we all like to do so.

I dun understand why some people act like others owe them an explanation on why they act a certain way or do things a certain way. I’ve said this over and over again… I would’ve thought that each of us have already enuf to deal with in our own lives than bother abt others, especially when the matter at hand is none of our concern.

So… enuf already.

Get a grip.

Move on.

Not everything is a drama; not everything is about YOU.

Yum yummm… I lurve me veggies!!

Yeecckk…

Made 2 major boo-boos at work this week. One was major enough that it made the VP look bad in front of the media. ACK! *strangle self* Luckily we managed to do some damage control but not enuf to get off the hook from a good “reprimand”, on my boss’ part, that is. I just hope and pray that this is all part of the learning curve which will eventually die off on its own when I finally get the hang of things. Just hope it doesn’t take too long coz I dun think I can take anymore heart-stopping moments, especially in front of celebrities and the press.

My job requires a lot of talking and cajoling to get things done. These days, I’m getting tired of hearing my own voice. Everything is a rush job… and I keep repeating myself to ppl “So sorry yah, but we gotta get this done/approved/release a.s.a.p. Pls pls pls pls pls help me get this done soon, ya. Tolong ya” Ssssshhhhh… I dun wanna hear myself talk anymore!!!

**********

We did improvisation in Odissi today.

And I realized, AGAIN, that I suck at being creative!

See, I get stressed when I dun have structure, or at least a framework to work on. So when someone tells me “Here, I’m gonna put on this piece of music, u’re going to use this particular hand movement. I dun care how you move but using just this hand movement, I want u to just get from one side of the room to the other”, I just go *blink blink* Huh??? Aiyoh!

I think too much. Everything is analyzed and re-analyzed again. So when I have to just come up with things (like dance movements) on the fly, I go BLANK *goggle eyes* How lar, like this?!! (

Actually, improvisation is rather fun, after I got a hang of it and make extra extra effort not to be self-conscious and to NOT think about ppl watching me. I can just go into my own world and go on and on but unfortunately, improvisation doesn’t mean sinking into my own world.

No no… improvisation means we gotta be MORE alert to the other dancers around us, not by looking at them directly, but by FEELING their energy and movements and either (a) blending with them, or (b) contrasting with them. Aiyoh!!! Sooooo difficult!! *smacking self in the head*

Sigh… oh well… can’t have everything can I? Gimme form and structure anytime.