I would like to believe that I am a person with principles. Most of the time, I truly believe in what I say and behave the way I preach. I “walk the talk”, so to speak. Or try my very best to, excluding the few times where I have made honest mistakes. But I learn from those mistakes and try not to repeat them.

This past month or so has been full of self-reflection and different options being thought out. Should I leave my job or continue to hang in there till the current project ends.

For one, I am very tired of the hours. It is not as late as expected yet but the daily 8-9pm end of workday is taking its toll. And the even later hours will be commencing soon. I am not as young as I was previously when I went through this and I no longer have the stamina to handle it. Nor do I want to kill myself doing it.

For another, I really do not enjoy the work that I have been assigned to do. I had already stated up-front that I don’t wish to do what I’m currently doing but yet, they still assign me to it. What is the point of asking me what I want or don’t want when they can’t accommodate my request? Might as well don’t ask.

The most disappointing thing is how disrespectfully people are treated. Imagine how you would feel if you could overhear the big boss yelling and berating your manager/supervisor in weekly status meetings. And on the other hand, they keep preaching their so-called values like respect for people and integrity. Maybe I am naive or too idealistic and don’t know the real business world but it is very disheartening and disappointing to find out that all their claims of these so-called values are just lip service in this project. If this is what it takes to climb the corporate ladder, then I do not wish to be there. If I wanted to be subjected to this type of environment and treatment, I would’ve just joined any Tom, Dick, and Harry vendor out there.

To be fair, the other projects to which I have had the good fortune to be assigned were great. The workload was manageable and the people I worked with were awesome. I couldn’t ask for a better team. But that’s the point. If other projects can practice the company’s core values, why is it different in the current one?

I have come to realize in these past few weeks that, silly or emotional as it may sound, I cannot work in an environment that reeks of hypocrisy and two-facedness. If you claim something, you better show it to uphold your credibility and reputation. Once I no longer have respect for the people managing the work, it is very difficult for me to make myself pour my heart into the work.

It is such a shame. I was willing to give my all to this firm (and I have in the previous projects I’ve been on) because I truly believed that they had values. But no more. The moment I saw the dilution in the values, I no longer have the desire to perform my best. And when I no longer desire to perform my best, it is time to move on. Actually, this is not entirely accurate. I did try to live with it i.e. corrosion of values, as I was aware of it early on in the project. But it’s gotten too much to bear.

One thing I feel sad and rather miserable about is leaving my team and the wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of collaborating with at the working level.

(Note : I do know that each organization has its own share of shit. It boils down to what degree of shit one can handle.)

Check this out.

A quote from Reese Witherspoon in the recent InStyle mag, which I think is quite spot-on for us non-actors as well :

“…as an actor, I don’t think you can do an awful lot of planning. In fact, my new philosophy in life is I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, as if I could magically predict it if I planned it enough. And then I realized, I can’t.”

I was shocked to find out today that there are some people who have a misconception that registration of marriage equates engagement!!

My girlfriend’s boyfriend looks like Michael Vartan Seriously!

Some of his movies/TV shows are Never Been Kissed, Alias, Monster-In-Law.

Methinks motivating oneself to lose weight is akin to quitting smoking.

I used to bug the ex to lose some weight coz he was, err, quite the obese (that’s according to some test he did) but it never happened. The nagging to lose weight was more for health reasons than anything else. Everyone knows the consequences of being overweight, right? It’s been drummed into our heads over and over again.

But see, if the person doesn’t think it’s important to lose weight, then no amount of bugging or nagging will make him/her do it. I think I’m learning that now.

It’s like smoking. I’ve heard smoker friends say time and time again, “I will quit one day” but the day never seems to come. So it’s like saying “I’ll lose weight one day” but unless the person really wants to do it for him/herself, then I think it’s highly unlikely to happen just because someone else nags the person to death. They will just learn to tune out after a while.

Unless something bad happens, God forbid, only maybe then they will take action. But why wait for the event if and when something bad may happen?

Note : Taking pills or any shortcut methods to lose weight is NOT the right way. We’ve all heard of diet pills gone wrong. If it’s a severe case, go see a specialist or nutritionist. Else, regular exercise and a proper diet usually works.

I don’t know when was the last time I sat down to watch TV (actually, it was on the 1st day of Raya ). Before that, I think the last time I watched some substantial TV was during MJ’s memorial.

I just don’t have a habit of watching TV.

Instead, I can’t get enough of reading. I read everywhere. I read while eating. I read while riding the train. I read while on the toilet. I read while waiting for my turn at the doc’s or at any place that requires a queue. I read while waiting for the traffic lights to turn green (try not to do this often).

I have no problem eating out alone, as long as I have reading material with me. If I don’t have any, I will go and buy one. A magazine or a book or even newspapers, anything if fine as long as I have reading material to keep me occupied.

I read books. I read magazines. I read newspapers (much less now since I’ve switched to e-news). I read stuff off the net. I read brochures and catalogues (when there’s nothing else to read). I read anything I can get my hands on.

When people are chilling in front of the TV, I’ve probably got my head stuck in a book or glued to the computer screen, reading some article/news piece or even just light stuff on forums.

My shelves are overflowing with books. I have books in boxes under my bed, in my cupboards, everywhere around the house. And a new pile has formed on the floor at the side of my bed because I have no space left on my shelves to keep them. I plan to turn a room in my future house into a library with throw pillows everywhere so I can go in and have some me-time in peace and lose myself in a good book.

When I was based at KLCC, I had to resist from stepping into Kinokuniya everyday because each time I went in, I would get a book. It was burning a hole in my pocket! So I allowed myself to go in once a week. Even then, I’d buy a few books, which probably made up for the rest of the days when I didn’t go in.

When I was in Buffalo, I rarely missed my weekly trip to Barnes & Noble. I could spend hours there and of course, I’d come out with a bunch of books. When I returned to Msia, I shipped 12 boxes back, mostly containing books (one box got lost in transit ).

When I was younger, I remember saving up my allowance and emptying my piggy bank to buy each new book in this series of books by Carolyn Keene. I would eagerly anticipate the next book to be released and rushed to buy it when it did.

When I was even younger, I remember devouring Enid Blyton’s books – The Enchanted Wood (my favorite!), Mr. Meddle, the twins adventures at St. Clare’s, Mallory Towers, Famous Five, The Five Find-Outers, and all the other short stories by Enid Blyton. I remember reading the books over and over again, never tiring of them.

People are very surprised, some shocked even, when I tell them I don’t watch TV.

But there’s nothing more exciting than anticipating the next page of a well-written piece of reading material

I was relating to MichC, WP and FC about the other day when I saw this man filling gas in his car, in his underwear.

They all lamented that men (especially Malaysian men) totally do not know how to “take care” of themselves i.e. don’t dress appropriately, don’t keep in shape, etc.

MichC was drooling about her recent trip to Melbourne where she said the men were totally hot! FC agreed, his friends there fall in that category too. But he also said that as soon as they get hitched, they totally let themselves go. WP quipped, “That’s coz they don’t need to impress the girl anymore ma!” FC remarked, “But then when they get divorced, they suddenly look awesome again.” *me rolling my eyes*

So it’s quite motivating to see how this man decided to get into shape for his wedding (I don’t know the couple nor do I know his motivation of losing the weight… I just happened to stumble upon their website) but I think it’s inspiring when you see the difference in the pictures. I do wish that more men would take just a bit more effort to look reasonably good.

*Man, now I wanna go Maldives after seeing those pics!