Of customs & complications
I have been following some threads on a local forum specifically targetted at brides in Msia, the main reason back then of course was to source for info for my own wedding. But now, it’s more to follow the stories of different members because there is a section where people can share stories of their own marriage, in-laws, and any matters of the heart.
It’s very interesting to read about these stories because I can see much commonality in the culture (the members and audience are mainly Chinese) as well as the differences in mindset and thinking between the members. It’s almost like reading case studies in psychology class 
One of the threads that fascinated me was where the brides-to-be shared their stories on the Topic of dowry, who-pays-for-what and who-hosts-the-dinner business. Some of their experiences were so complicated that I Was quite dumbfounded. From the amount of dowry (some of the girls’ parents asked for RM10K!) to another story where this bride was having problems organizing her dinner reception due to her MIL’s indecisiveness (apparently it was dinner for the bride’s side but the groom’s side was paying for it). And don’t even start on the topic of how many tables the groom’s side is offering the bride’s side for the dinner reception.
Interesting though it may be to read these stories, I can’t help but wonder “Why follow customs when it is causing so many issues within the families?” Because when it comes down to it, it is usually the customs practices that are ultimately causing most of the issues faced by these brides/grooms and their families.
Dowry : Do we still need to practice this in this time and age when both sides are usually financially independent and working? And it’s not like the bride is relinquishing her duties and responsibility as a child of her parents, like in the old days. Plus, like my mom said “We are not selling our daughter.” But if people still wish to keep the custom, perhaps they can just give a token and not put so much importance/value on the actual figure/amount involved.
Dinner reception : I think Chinese wedding dinners are one of the most complicated events to organize. First, there’s the practice of having separate dinners for the bride and groom. Then there are others who have joint dinners. Then add in the practice where the groom’s side offers the bride’s side X number of tables for her family and friends in place of dowry. Then add in the ang pows collected where some parents will lay claim on the ang pows (i.e. they get to keep the ang pows) from relatives while their child (bride or groom) gets to keep the rest. Then you have cases where, like one of the members shared, there are some dinners where it’s supposed to be the dinner for the bride’s side but the groom’s side is hosting it *mind spinning* I have no idea what is the customary practice anymore these days. But I’m thinking, why not make it simple – If both sides have separate dinners, then each side pays for their own. If it is a joint dinner, then each still pays for their own based on the number of tables requested. For example, if the bride wants 10 tables and the groom 20, then each pay for their own. As for the ang pows, parents should just let the bride and groom use the money to pay for the dinner because heck, these dinners cost a bomb! If there are any leftover ang pows, the bridge + groom can use it pay off other wedding expenses because aside from the dinner, there’s the flowers, outfits, photography, and other miscellaneous expenses.
Anyway, these are just some of my observations and what I think would simplify the already-stressful job of planning and organizing a wedding. I am a big fan of keeping things simple It’s one’s big day; why not enjoy it as much as one can instead of stressing oneself out trying to adhere to customs which complicate things further? Some of these customs can be so trivial but end up causing so much problems within the families. Plus personally, I detest doing things just because “it’s always been done this way” or “it’s custom”.
I shall let my family and friends tell you about me. These comments may be rather old but I think the gist of them still hold 
