Was chatting with a friend today, and she was telling me about her kid and that she’s trying to conceive her 2nd kid, and how she feels bad because she couldn’t produce a grandson for her father-in-law before he passed away.

My friend loves children so it’s no surprise to me that she wants more children and I respect that. But what I couldn’t exactly accept was when she told me that although her husband and in-laws were happy when she conceived her first child (a girl), they “would have been happier if the child had been a boy”.

Yes, this is a typical Chinese family, as she’s pointed out many times to me and our mutual friend. But in my opinion, this Chinese trait of “must have a son to carry on the family name” is archaic and outdated, and shouldn’t be used as an excuse to lay more importance on the male offspring. I mean, every child is a blessing and to say that “the family would have been happier if we had a boy” is like reducing the self-worth of a female child and putting more value on a male child just because he’s male. Moreoever, it wasn’t easy for my friend to conceive her first child, and she’s been trying for some time now for the 2nd child but still no luck. I feel that her family should be equally thankful and blessed that she’s got A child, regardless of gender. I’m sure they love their female grandchild a lot but then to have that unsaid thought of “I wish she was a boy” is just too much.

I’m sorry but I fail to understand the logic of this whole “male child” thing nor do I accept or condone it. If and when I were to consider having a child, it would be on my spouse’s and my terms, and not because we want to make someone else happy. And if that child happens to be a girl, no one better dare tell me that my girl child is worth less than a male child, whether in words or actions.

I have very strong opinions on the subject of gender discrimination in customs and traditions, and I think that these archaic values should be banished altogether in this day and age. This is one of the reasons why we see so much exploitation of women and girls even to this day, because they are taught from young that they are worth less than their male counterparts. And we reinforce in males that they are the stronger, more superior, more important gender.

While I respect the fact that my friend wishes to fulfill the wishes of her elders (and it also helps that she loves children and is yearning to have more) and she’s all for “keeping the elders happy”, I personally hold a different perspective on this. If my happiness results in someone else’s happiness, then great, yippedidooda! I won’t go to the extent to say that I will not sacrifice my own happiness just to make someone else happy, but this depends entirely on what the “sacrifice” entails.

My motto in life is that we live our lives for ourselves. There’s this quote that I read on a friend’s FB status update, which was taken from the Bhagavad Gita, “It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.” So in marriage, decisions such as having children, how to raise them, household matters, basically anything that pertains to the couple should be made by the couple themselves, without pressure or interference from others. Of course, family will be family in that they will have something to say about almost anything in your life but they must respect the couple and know when to back off. And most of all, refrain from springing on the guilt-trap.

On a separate note, what do you think of bringing another child into this world with the main purpose of saving your older child stricken by disease? I just suddenly thought about the book-turned-movie, “My Sister’s Keeper”. Hmm.

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Sometimes I wonder if the western model of the child leaving the nest at age 18 and making it on his/her own in the world is a better model than the Asian one, where the child typically lives with the parents until s/he marries (sometimes even after marriage, they still live together).

I’m not saying Asian values are all that bad; it’s my opinion that some values are relevant today and some are not. For example, the “respect for elders” value is important; however, this doesn’t mean that the elders are always correct 100% of the time and cannot/should not be questioned.

I feel that there’s a lot of expectations when it comes to Asian families. Expectations of “You should do this…this…this”, “You should live your life this way, not that way”, always ”you should…you should…you should…” until ultimately, you do something because you’re expected to do it, not because you willingly want to do it. Sometimes it doesn’t need to be explicitly stated, you can tell from one’s actions or facial expression when you’ve done something that is considered “out of the norm” and not generally acceptable.

Why can’t we be happy with what we already have? Why can’t we be happy that our families are in good health? That our children are happy being whoever they are — single, married, gay, lesbian, with children, with no children, with a high-paying job which s/he loves, with a job that pays peanuts but is his/her passion — and are good people with pure hearts; that we have jobs to pay our bills and put food on the table; that we can afford the little luxuries every once in a while; that we have a home to come home to at the end of the day.

Of course, each of our individual responsibility is to be useful human beings who can sustain ourselves at the very least. This is the basic fundamental of life. Do we need to heap our expectations on someone else about how they should live their lives? I’m talking about the holistic picture, not the nitty-gritty bits like whose turn is it to do the housechores this weekend.

I do not appreciate being reminded about what I should do in my life because I have a mind, I can think on my own. My mind is logical, I can process thoughts and actions on my own rationally. If I keep getting reminders on how I should do something because it is expected of me, it then becomes an obligation and I may do it grudgingly, not willingly. I would like it so much better if I were to do something willingly, which I would do if it were not an expectation of me, because that would carry so much more meaning.

I know I shouldn’t let it irk me but it does bother me when people assume that I (or anyone who’s married) want to have kids.

Given the increasingly sorry state of the world (not just recent events), I cannot find any good reason to want to have kids because I personally feel that it would be very irresponsible of me (and my partner) to bring a child into this world but we’re not doing all we can to leave him/her the best planet to live in.

I don’t know about others but for me to decide to do something as big as bringing a child into this world, there needs to be serious consideration of the future of this kid. Education (or lack of in this country) and quality of life (we’re still in the rat race, the planet’s dying and we’re not doing anything about it) are two main things that worry me a lot. And how are we going to find the time to care for the kid, because given the high cost of living, not everyone can enjoy a single-income household. But at the end of the day, my ultimate concern is that we’re killing the planet through our daily actions and non-willingness to change our lifestyle. I honestly believe that if I can’t take care of my home (i.e. the Earth), I shouldn’t be bringing a child into the world and leave him/her a crappy place to live in.

So yeah, the only reason why I would even consider having kids at this moment is because I have to, not because I want to.

You know, I think the biggest commitment a partner/spouse could give his/her partner/spouse is “The only thing I care about  is that I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” Regardless of what comes after. Ups and downs, trials and tribultions, for better or worse.

I think I’m born to work with animals.

In a recent trip to Dubai, I registered myself to swim with dolphins at the Dubai Dolphinarium and it was such an exhilarating experience! I’ve always had an affinity for animals and I love being around animals. And this experience with the dolphins reinforced even more that I don’t/can’t get more joy than being around animals. Not even when dancing.

I seriously need to consider looking for a job working with animals before I’m driven insane by useless idiots in the corporate world.

Life is short. Live it, dammit!

Dolphins are such awesome creatures!

*I wonder how my life would’ve turned out if I had gone on to study veterinary medicine*

This week, my mind seems to be going on overdrive! So many thoughts spinning like a washing machine in my head :-S

Let’s see…. where do I begin… *starts unraveling thoughts*

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I’ve started body combat classes after work for about 3 weeks now. It’s a once-a-week class and I don’t know what it is about exercise and sweating it out that makes me feel really good when I’m done, like I achieved something that day. So I analyzed a little about my “exercise pattern” (if you can call it that) throughout my life and realized that at one point or other, I was always involved in some physical activity. If there was a lapse, it wouldn’t be more than a few months.

I started ballet when I was 10, which was considered to be quite late (age-wise), given that my classmates were at most 7 or 8. I did this until I was 16. When I was 17, I was active in my school’s Interact club and preparing for my final exams so I didn’t have the time to continue dancing. When I was in college, I started martial arts (kung fu) and a bit of yoga. Then I left for the States. While in uni there, I did karate, a bit of ballroom. and a bit of ballet (my female colleagues and I grouped up to form an adult ballet class). Then I came back and started aikido. And then not long after (I can’t remember the sequence of which came first), I started Odissi. Then I stopped aikido because there was a lot of mat work and learning how to roll correctly, and I had an irrational fear of hurting my back when rolling on the mats and also of injuring myself in one way or other that would stop me from dancing, so I stopped aikido. Then I started salsa. The salsa interest waned after about 3 years but I still dance occasionally. But I’m still going strong in Odissi and about 2-3 years ago, I took up Pilates (coincidentally, my former ballet teacher is teaching this course) .

At present, I’m still doing Odissi and Pilates. And most recently, started body combat. I have come to realize that I can’t do without some form of physical activity/exercise. I love following a routine or choreography and trying to make my body listen to my mind so that it can execute interesting moves (the body sometimes doesn’t want to listen though, haha!). Hence, my interest in dance, I guess Body combat is also a lot of choreo — a sequence of martial arts moves done to high-energy music, which is similar to how dance routines are shaped — and it really works on my cardio. Hopefully with these 3 activities, I can keep toned and in shape

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Here’s a secret. I love performing. Dance, that is. Not impromptu/informal types of performances, but real performances, like those of professional dance companies. Where we push ourselves through countless rehearsals to perfect the routine. But since I’m not of that level nor do I have the luxury of time to commit to this type of life, the closest I can get to performing with a professional dance company is through performing Odissi. I have to settle with this to get my “performance high”. Every single time, I would grumble and complain about the rehearsal schedule (mostly due to the timing because I’m working full-time) and ask myself why am I putting myself through all the stress. But the feeling after a good performance is indescribable, and I’m like “So when’s the next show?”

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Sometimes I wonder, am I too accommodating a person or do I not have the strength to stand up for what I want or what I believe in.

I realize that a lot of times, I seem to consider others’ needs before mine. I don’t like asking people for help because I don’t want to trouble them. I myself am fine helping others if I’m able, but I try not to trouble others if I can.

I’ve written about this before, where if “sacrificing” (for lack of a better word) myself would be for the collective good, I would do it. For example, if I were to climb a mountain with a group of people and I am the last person up because I have no stamina or I’m slow for whatever reason, I would not ask the others to wait up for me. I would encourage them to move along and I would catch up. A real life example : A group of 6 of us went white water rafting. The raft was supposed to  only fit 6 including the guide. No one in my group wanted to be the odd one out and everyone was just standing around doing nothing when the organizer instructed us to get into groups of 5. So I volunteered myself out so that the others could be together. In things like these, I don’t question why there’s a limit on the number of people allowed on the raft because I assume it has to do with safety and I don’t question why when it comes to safety. But in the end, we managed to fit all 7 of us in one raft and we managed to make it through the river without capsizing. Thank goodness!

When me and the hubs were dating, I almost always volunteered to drive myself to wherever we would decide to go hang out because I stayed a bit off the city (he’s closer to the city and we’d usually try to meet up somewhere in between). Which I thought was a fair arrangement, since I didn’t think it was fair to demand for him to come all the way to pick me up and then all the way to send me back after. But sometimes, I did get envious when I heard of how my girlfriends’ other halves would regularly pick them up and drop them off, even though it may have totally out of the way. Especially when I’m driving alone late at night. And I do know that a lot of girls who assume it’s the guy’s job to pick up/drop them off and also guys who willingly do so. Willing parties all around, I guess.

Other times, I do things out of habit. Like, when we eat in a group with shared dishes, I would always go for the smaller piece of say, veg or fish, before moving on to the larger piece (if it’s still available). My rational for this is, I don’t eat a lot so might as well let another person have the bigger piece. Also, being the anal person that I am, I like to see food in whole, nice pieces so if there is a broken or half piece of something on the plate, I would get rid of that piece first (i.e. eat it) so that it doesn’t tarnish the look of the rest of the plate. I know, w.e.i.r.d. Especially when the food will all eventually end up in our stomachs anyway.

I sometimes wonder why do I not take the one final step to being a vegetarian. I don’t like meat. I think it’s cruel to kill animals for food when we have other non-meat alternatives (but I don’t impose my views on others) and given that we’re already overusing our natural resources such as fish. But yet I still eat fish and some other seafood. So I’m a hypocrite in this sense.

Honestly, I continue eating fish and and some seafood because I feel that firstly, it would be an inconvenience to others when they go out for a meal with me because they would feel obligated to go to vegetarian places, which is not necessary because many restaurants serve a variety of meat and non-meat dishes. Even now, I’m not even vegetarian and some friends would assume I’d need to go to a vegetarian place (until I tell them it’s not necessary) and it would make me feel so guilty that I’m such a troublemaker by inconveniencing them. Secondly, I haven’t got the guts to go full vegetarian because I don’t want to face any nagging from people who care about me, about where I will get my source of protein and omega oils from. It’s just too tiring and exasperating.

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with thinking about so many different aspects just to do simple task that I just want to drop everything and run off to Timbuktu where no one knows me and nothing I do will matter to anyone.

Yes, it’s just me, I know. I don’t HAVE to think about these things. I can just go about my daily life doing everything that suits just me without any consideration for others. But I do think about it, I do consider others feelings/needs, a lot of the time. I can’t help it. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been brought up this way or because I already have an innate sense of accountability or responsibility. Whatever it is, it sure isn’t making things easier for me when it comes to over-thinking things. And it bugs the HELL out of me when others show their selfish sides and don’t think about how their actions will affect other people.

I think it’s time I got a dose of positivity so that I can turn this into something good, for me and for everyone who comes in contact with me.

o_O

I get really tickled when I hear about my girlfriends’ partners who spend enormous time and effort to surprise them. It’s not that the surprise consists of something expensive or branded, or if it’s even an object, but the time, love and effort spent in executing the surprise is really quite amazing. Because I still can’t imagine guys firstly, being so thoughtful and sensitive and secondly, having the patience and creativity to come up with something so sweet and meaningful

I think I’ve grown cynical throughout the years, but when I come across these stories on the rare occasion, it does tug at my heartstrings, making me go “aaaawwwwww”

And then there are those people who are so generous with their time that they willingly use it to to do something of their passion.

We have a fitness instructor who comes to our workplace twice a week to conduct fitness classes. And he does it at no charge. To me, time is more precious than money, so for him to first come all the way to our workplace and spending about 1.5 hours teaching us and then driving back to wherever he comes from is such a generous act. And to top it off, he is so enthusiastic about fitness and he always has so much energy when running his classes. I am humbled to be around people who willingly give up their time and/or comfort just so others can benefit.

These, I feel, are truly beautiful people.

I’m always sort of in awe when I see physically beautiful people (meaning the whole physical package i.e. face-wise and physique).

Recently, I saw some pictures of a friend’s fiance and I was thinking “Wow, can anyone be any better looking than that?!”. Of course, she’s very pretty and attractive to boot, so like attracts like, I guess.

I don’t think I’m that shallow, as in to focus only on one’s good looks, but I think like any other person, I do appreciate beauty in its various forms including the physical form. Of course, I’m also assuming that all the physically beautiful people I come across are beautiful inside as well i.e. good manners, considerate, humble, etc. etc.

So, here’s to beautiful people, both inside and out

So here’s a useful site to find out the difference between front-loaders and top-loaders.

I’m starting my research on washing machines. The main requirement is definitely a front-loader. The brand I’m looking at is AEG-Electrolux because I’ve heard that AEG (bought over by Electrolux) machines last a lifetime. The washing machine at my old house lasted us almost 20 years! It was huge and weighed a ton but man, it was long-lasting. I find that appliances these days have very short lifespan. I think that’s a ploy by manufacturers to keep us buying their products.

So my mom’s gonna help me check if Electrolux is the way to go and next stop for me is to do some window shopping to compare prices and specs.

I’m not one for traditions, normal conventions and social norms. I’ve said many times before and I will say it many times again. And again, not because I choose to be difficult or I choose to be different but because I don’t believe in many of the things that are imposed on us.

While I agree that women have made strides in some areas such as work and academia, culturally and socially we are still male-dominated.

Just one of the many examples, why should couples attend the Chinese New Year reunion dinner only at the man’s side after marriage? You can read some female perspective here. Is it a big deal to even question it? Well, it depends. For some, they just accept it but for others, it is a big deal especially if the family has all daughters. How many men ever need to consider that their parents would be having the reunion dinner alone, where as you can read in the forum above, the majority of women worry about it? It’s good that some couples have come up with solutions such as alternating dinners between both sides (i.e. one year with the wife’s family, the next at the husband’s, and so forth), and their parents are open-minded enough to understand but I know from colleagues whose families are more traditional where the sons (and family) must always go back to their parents’ for the reunion dinner. So again, why does the husband’s side of the family take priority? Yes, it’s how it’s done throughout the centuries and maybe 100 years ago or more, it made sense to do it this way but times have changed. All these societal/cultural rules are man-made and we can change them, IF we’re willing to.

Oh, here’s another interesting anecdote. I was having a banter with a new colleague, calling him a Casanova because he seemed to know a lot of females in the organization. He, in turn, asked me what’s the female version of a Casanova called. I told him there’s none because women are less inclined to be players. So he went and did some ‘research’ and reported back to me that based on his findings, the closest thing to a female Casanova is called a slut. So, a man who sleeps around, no one batts an eyelid and is labeled a nice-sounding name. But a woman who does the same would most likely be scorned by both men and women and is labeled a rude-sounding name.

How many men do you know have been told “Don’t wait too long to have children, the quality of your sperm will deteriorate as you get older.” Yes it does, there are studies that have shown this. But that aside, I personally have not heard this being said to a man. On the other hand, I’ve definitely heard women being told something similar about their eggs. Like, how intrusive can people get? And women have to deal with these things all the time. As if women don’t know this fact about their eggs, as if women don’t have enough to deal with in their busy lives.

So many more instances but I’m running out of time to write now. I’ve been told on different occasions by different people to accept things as they are. But why should I if it doesn’t make sense? Seriously, there are some things that I do, I think ”Why am I doing this? It doesn’t make sense.”

I understand that women may not gain total equality and that’s ok. Some things we can do, men can’t and vice versa. But what’s the harm in trying to make it a fairer world when possible?

An absolutely cringe-worthy thing happened this evening at work.

Mich was giving me an update on one of the meetings she’d just finished and suddenly I let out a HUGE, and I’m talking humungously loud the-entire-floor-could-hear-me type of sneeze! It totally came out of nowhere!

Mich was stunned and remarked “That wasn’t very ladylike” while I was so horrified I wished I could disappear! And it was so absolutely embarrassing that I wanted to go dig a whole and bury myself. But at the same time, it was so hilariously funny that even thinking about it now, I’m half cringing and wanting to laugh at the same time I have never ever sneezed that loud in public before and I hope it never happens again!