I’d never had any problems with my name until I was filling out my university applications forms to go to the US.

In Msia, we’ve got many name conventions but the major ones are these :

• Chinese names, which is made up of surname / family name / last name (1 word) + given name (2 words)
• Indian and Muslim names, which comprise of given name + father’s name
  Note : If any of the above is inaccurate, you’re free to correct me

As far as I know, the Chinese are the only ones who have their family name / last name before their given name. So since I’m of Chinese descent, my given name is Ai Ling and my surname is Ng, which results in Ng Ai Ling being my full name, when written in the local context.

Herein, lie the confusion when I was filling out my US university application forms and later on, when I was in the States.

Forms in the US usually have separate fields for first name, middle name, and last name, in this order. Initially, I was rather confused as to whether my given name should be split into the first and middle name fields or just the first name. Some people told me to write “Ai-Ling” in the first name field but for some reason, I could never bring myself to put the hyphen in between my given name because it just didn’t look right! So I would eventually just write “Ai Ling” (with a space between) on forms and what would normally happen is that, they would process “Ai” as first name and “Ling” as middle name.

Eventually, my name would come our as “Ai Ng” or “Ai L. Ng” on transcripts and official documents because they usually drop the middle names or initial them over there. (See, if I weren’t so stubborn and insist on NOT writing the hypen, my name would come out closer to its true form i.e. “Ai-Ling Ng” )

Another thing I had to get used to there was writing my surname at the end of my name. Ever since I could write my name, I’ve always written “Ng Ai Ling” and to suddenly have to change that when I was 18 was a bit traumatizing for me. Haha, ok I’m exaggerating but it was a difficult habit to change. So then I had to get used to writing “Ai Ling Ng” and I got so used to it that when I came back home, I continued using “Ai Ling Ng” when I started working and this was printed on my business cards and on my email signature.

Some other funny incidences regarding my name when I was in the US was the pronunciation of my name. Firstly, it didn’t help that my given name was 2 words (in this case, they would usually just use “Ai”). Secondly, it definitely didn’t help that my last name is only made up of consonants (it is pronounced like “Ung”, where the “U” sounds like “urgent” or “Eng”, where the “E” sounds like “earnest”. Thirdly, it didn’t help that my given name spells an English word (“ailing” as in ill or sick).

When returning our papers/assignments, the professors would call out our names and I’d have to really strain my ears to figure out if they were calling me because I specifically remember one class where the professor pronounced my name something like “Naiung”. Till today, I don’t know how, for the life of me, I knew he was calling my name then but I did The most common way for them to call my name was “Ai Nung”. See, serves me right for not using the hypen, then at least they would say “Ailing Nung”

When someone asked my name, I would say “Ai Ling” and they would repeat “Eileen?” And I’d usually nod and say yes, because it’s close enough to my name. It would take too long to explain the correct pronunciation

None of these things happen here because my name is actually a very common name As for the meaning of my name and how it came about, I’m not gonna start on it because (1) it would take a whole new thread, and (2) I would first need to go find out HOW my parents ended up giving me my name

To The Wanderer, so there you have it I hope this sheds some light on my name. I know I didn’t answer your question exactly in the context you were looking for but I hope it’s somewhat close

While driving home from work this evening, I was listening to the In Conversation segment on BFM, where the host was interviewing a lady who’s a social worker and specializes in working with teenagers.

She was relating one of her earlier experiences teaching troubled teenagers at a school. On her first day teaching, she was apparently given the most notorious class and the other teachers, upon hearing the class that she was assigned to teach, gave indication that she shouldn’t be wasting her time on those kids. Her conclusion from those teachers’ behavior was that it’s so easy for these types of kids to fall between the cracks and get cast aside and ostracized, and presumably because they are not young children and no longer cute.

When she said that, I immediately made a connection with animals for adoption. People will always go for the kittens and the puppies because they are cute and more lively. The older, less perfect cats and dogs would always be overlooked, which usually result in them being euthanized because they are deemed unadoptable.

I think it’s such a shame that people can be so shallow that way. Just because someone is older and not cute anymore doesn’t mean they are not entitled to equal opportunities and given the benefit of the doubt. Just because an aninmal is older and less than perfect (maybe missing an ear or a leg) doesn’t mean they will love you any less.

One day, we will all grow old and grey, and not be very useful anymore. How would we feel then when we get overlooked by our family and society?

To The Wanderer, I stumbled upon your comment on one of Josie’s blog posts where you wrote that it’s your long-time dream to run a facility for dogs.

Well, guess what?? My longest dream is to run an animal sanctuary, where I would take in homeless, unwanted and unloved animals, care for them until their adoptable, and find good homes for them And the unadoptable ones (the old ones, the disabled ones, the ones that people don’t want), they’ll stay at my sanctuary till their time comes.

We were having dinner with a couple of friends the other night and we came to talking about Guiliana and Bill, and their experience in trying to have a baby.

Sidenote : For those who don’t follow the series, Guiliana and Bill (G&B) is a reality show on Guiliana Rancic (E!News host) and her husband, Bill Rancic. They have been trying to have a baby for some time but they still haven’t had any success.

So anyway, there was one episode where G&B were at the doctor’s and apparently, the doctor told B that he had a low sperm count. Our friends were shocked that the doctor actually said this on television, for the entire world to see/hear, because apparently, for a man to hear that is beyond devastating and likewise, for a woman to be told she’s barren.

Here’s my two cents on this…

Perhaps I’m not at the stage where me and my spouse are trying for a baby and finding out that we have problems conceiving. So perhaps one can claim that I don’t understand what people who are in this situation are going through, but I’m not denying the emotional turmoil that the couple may go through. But since I was in my 20s and sharing my apprehension of having kids in the future, people have told me things like “Oh, you think like that now, wait till you’re older, you’ll change your views.” Well, I AM older now but I’m still apprehensive about having kids, mainly because the world’s already overpopulated and also because there are so many orphans whom I could help with the time and money that I would invest in having my own kid.

Anyway, back to the topic, being told that you’re barren or have low quality sperm can’t be worse than being told that you have, say, cancer, right? I mean, cancer’s terminal (depending on which stage it’s diagnosed) but not being able to have kids does not carry a life sentence like cancer does. At least, not to me.

Given the amount of abuse we subject our bodies to — chemicals (through products we use and food we eat) and pollutants around us 24/7 — I’m surprised that we haven’t mutated to sprout 2 heads or an extra pair of arms/legs! And being barren or having low sperm count are a couple of the many medical conditions we can face due to all the things mentioned above.

And there’s always the option of adoption. I don’t see anything wrong with adopting an orphan or two. I think adopting a child (or more) is the ultimate generosity/sacrifice one can make i.e. opening your home to a total stranger and giving him/her the care and love you would like s/he were your own child. I don’t know what it is with the Asian ego/culture about not wanting to raise other people’s children but I know for a fact that many Asians (mostly men, based on my small survey) are opposed to adoption for this particular reason. It is the child’s parents’ who’ve sinned, not the child. So why do we punish the child? If I am capable of providing the love and care to a few orphans by taking them in, why not? This is why I quite admire people like Angelina Jolie. I mean, I really don’t care who she’s going out with or how many tattooes she has but she took in children in need of love and care, and provided for them. Of course, I’m assuming she’s giving the best care she can.

No, I’m not condemning people who choose to have kids. That’s each person’s choice. I just have a different perspective of it. If I could have the best of both worlds, then all the better, no?

Anyway, if we ever do have problems conceiving (if and when we’re ready), I hope I won’t find it utterly devastating i.e. like it’s the end of the world, because we’re given what we have. If we’re destined to have kids (biological or otherwise), then so be it. But if we’re not, so be it as well. I’ve been told that we shouldn’t mess with nature or what God has given us. So if it’s in the plan that I’m not to have biological kids, then who am I to mess with it with IVF and fertility treatments and all that?
*Note : This is my opinion at this point in time; who knows what could happen in the future… I can already hear the comments coming “Aiyah, you say that now coz you’re not trying to have a baby ma. Wait till you want to have a baby and you have trouble, then you’ll know.” Ah well, que sera sera.

I know I’m not mainstream (not intentionally) in a lot of my views and principles, which is why it’s almost an everyday battle to find a balance and compromise in terms of my values versus what is expected of me. Sometimes, it’s just easier to be like the majority but I am who I am, and who am I to mess with that, right? I must be put here on Earth to do some good, if my values are wired as such. Just need to figure out what and how.

2010 is coming to an end and all in all, it’s been a great year for me.

My main achievements include :

• Getting a job at a company whose core values I am in sync with – makes going to work every morning much easier
• Completing a course in professional makeup – making a bit of headway in my fallback plan for the future
• Entering a 4km, 10km, and 12km run, and finishing!
• Buying my first lottery ticket, but didn’t win yet
• Getting my first car – been putting this off for a few years because I was so reluctant to be in any sort of long-term debt
• Surviving my first year of marriage without us killing each other
• Experiencing beautiful Maldives (beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe the place! Thanks, babe!) – reinforces all the more that we MUST do all we can to save the planet.
• Sat on a seaplane for the very first time (seen it in movies all the time) and loved it, which a big deal to me since I don’t like flying
• Trying diving for the first time, after putting off for some time due to my fear of not being able to breathe underwater and not being able to stand on ground – Hubs calls it the “control freak” in me; I’m not denying it
• Trying wind surfing for the first time, and loving every second of it!

There’s a lot that I am thankful for and I am constantly grateful for all I have in my life. Of course, I do have my share of complaints but when I think about all that I have, I check myself and stop myself from complaining too much because really, what do I have to complain about?

The end of a good year is looming and I have some reflections on life…

A lot of us take things in life for granted and lament “Life sucks” whenever something doesn’t go right… say, something goes wrong at work or we fail at a relationship.

But really, does life really suck for us? We have shelter, we have transport, we have clothes on our back and food on our table, we have jobs, and some extras to get those little (or large) luxuries in life.

Nowadays, I get really exasperated (and pissed off, even) when I hear people complaining that their life sucks. I think we shouldn’t say things like that lightly because we really have so much more compared to our counterparts in the poorer areas of the country, and people in third world countries.

For example, I’ve a friend who keeps claiming that she’s cursed and her life sucks because she seems to be falling for guys who turn out to be arses. But seriously, how can you define that you’re cursed and your life sucks just because you don’t see (or don’t want to see) that the guys you’re falling for are the same type of jerks? I mean, she’s got a nice home, a car to drive, a job that seems to be paying reasonably well, sufficient time to throw herself into her passion. What is it about her life that makes her cursed and that her life sucks? This is just an example to illustrate my point; I’m not intentionally picking on this friend of mine.

Also, we humans are selfish creatures. Every day, I see signs of selfishness everywhere. Drivers cutting queue like their time is more precious than others, people not picking up after themselves, people just looking out after themselves without a thought for others. Perhaps this is our nature. It’s not wrong to look out after ourselves but honestly, I think a lot of us can spare a thought for others. Something as simple as not cutting queue. Or, putting things back in their original shelf/position when at the supermarket or store to save the staff a bit of time putting things which customers simply toss around back on their shelves. Saying thank you when someone serves you well. Offering prayers/good wishes to others who need it more than you do.

All the time, people ask for more for themselves. More money, more fame, more recognition, more material possessions, just to name a few. When do we spend a bit of time to ask for a bit for others instead? When do we spend some time, trying to understand the plight of the less fortunate, in our own backyard or in other countries, and trying to make a bit of change to make the world a better place to live in?

I am always for causes which help animals. But this doesn’t mean that I am not aware or totally ignore the human plight. As much as I try to suppress it, seeing humans suffer affect me as much as seeing animals suffer. Unfortunately, my heart and mind has only capacity to focus on one plight, and I choose to focus on the plight of animals because I feel that they get less attention. But I do try to read up on human issues as well.

Recently, my sister gave me a book called “Half the Sky : How to Change the World”. It talks specifically about three main abuses faced by women today : sex trafficking and forced prostitution, gender-based violence like honor killings and mass rape, and maternal mortality.

I know sex trafficking and forced prostitution exists, I know gender-based violence exists. But nothing beats reading true accounts of victims of these horrific crimes (I see them as crimes because to me, they ARE crimes). I didn’t know about maternal mortality before; now I do.

Certain accounts and descriptions in the book will haunt me for some time. How can it not, when you read accounts of things like these which are actually happening to women and children around the world :

Cambodian/Thai women who, in a quest to earn more money, take on offers as dishwashers in another country but find out that they’ve been sold to a prostitution ring. If they refuse to comply with the brothel owners, they are beaten and raped. One of the accounts talked about one Cambodian girl who was brought to KL, forced into prostitution, managed to escape, went to the police for help but got arrested for illegal immigration, served a year in prison, and was supposed to be repatriated but the Malaysian policeman who was supposed to escort her home, instead sold her to trafficker, who pedaled her to a Thai brothel.

This similar story is repeated in India. Forced prostitution, beatings, rapes, and the stigma that comes with all of these. On horrifying account was in the slums in India, which was ruled by a thug who terrorized the area by committing atrocities such as torturing a woman in front of her daughter, cutting off her breasts, and slicing her up into pieces on the street; gang-raping a woman just days after she gave birth; raping another woman who was seven months pregnant. And the horror continued because the police didn’t care as long as this monster targeted only the Untouchables. One woman who went to the police to report a rape by this monster got gang-raped by the police themselves! It goes beyond appalling and shock that the authorities who are supposed to protect the people turn out to be monsters themselves.

One of the most horrifying accounts I read in this book was how Congolese militias rape women with sticks/knives/bayonets or fire their guns into women’s vaginas. How they raped a three-year-old girl, then fired their guns into her. A three-year-old girl! How do you even begin to make any sense of something like this? I can’t get my head around how these monsters (monsters are too nice a name for them) can even think of causing any harm to a three-year-old, let alone rape her and fire their guns into her.

There are many other horrifying accounts of other atrocities committed against women in the book. And I’m sure if you were to google this topic, you can find many more. Granted, a lot of these things happen in third world countries and I understand that it may be difficult for us, in our sheltered lives, to comprehend what these women go through, but it shouldn’t stop us from learning more about it and trying to help in whatever capacity we can. And be very thankful that we don’t have to go through anything like what these women go through.

I guess my main reflection out of this long mental regurgitation (my mind had so many thoughts while reading the book that I had to write it down) is that we need to look beyond ourselves and our little sheltered worlds, and try to make a difference in this world. Spare a thought for others. Spare a prayer for the less fortunate. Spare some voice for the downtrodden. Put ourselves in their shoes for once and really try to experience how it really is when “life sucks”, literally.

Not all of us have the capacity to be Mother Theresas, not all of us have the capacity to build foundations like Bill and Melinda Gates. However, I believe we all have the capacity to help in our own ways. We cannot afford to be so self-absorbed that we cannot see anyone other than ourselves. The world just doesn’t work that way. At least, I don’t think so and I don’t think it should.

Sometimes, being a high-C personality (i.e. compliant, conscientious) has its drawbacks.

For example, things people do that would normally not affect others, would have a significant impact on me and worse is, it is difficult for me to forgive and forget, especially if I got hurt or someone I’m close to gets hurt.

And when someone has wronged me or someone I’m close to, my perception of the wrongdoer will be forever changed, and it will take a looooonnngggg time for me to change this perception because I normally start out by giving people a clean slate and benefit of a doubt because I try to think that people are good to begin with. And I feel this is quite a liberty because I find that a lot of people are out there for themselves, without caring about others.

It’s not wrong to want the best for oneself but not at the expense of others. It could be for the simplest reason or a life-changing one, but none of it is an excuse to hurt others, use others, or cause any discomfort in others.

Why can’t everyone think about the collective good instead of just for themselves?

Yesterday was Malaysia Day, 16 September.

Yesterday, I finally got off my butt and attended the Malaysia Day event at Saya Anak Bangsa Malaysia. Because I wanted to expose myself to like-minded individuals, and to be inspired to do more for my country.

I used to be one of those people who complained a lot about the state of our country but never did anything about it, not even to vote (yes, I’m quite ashamed of myself) because I was of the mindset that I’m just a speck in the ocean and I wouldn’t make any difference.

But my attitude has changed since then. I registered myself as a voter in 2007 and casted my first vote in 2008. I have come to realize that regardless how small a difference I might make, at least I did something. At least I took some sort of action. Well, I still complain a lot but now, I ask myself “What can I do to make a change?”

Yesterday, I joined like-minded individuals in an event to celebrate Malaysia Day. Like-minded in a sense that we all want to make a change in our country, a change for the better. We might not agree on HOW these changes are made, but we all know that we want things to change. And change for the better.

There was a video presentation on how unfairly our fellow countrymen in East Malaysia are being treated. Then there were speakers who spoke about their personal experiences and a few performances by those involved in the Bangkit production.

One person from Sabah gave an emotional account on the Islamisation of the natives in Sabah; the way it was done really disgusted me. Like, how can they do such things to fellow Malaysians?! And she said “If anyone were to ask me who are the leaders I look up to, I don’t know. I really don’t know.” It was heart-wrenching to me.

But what really inspired me was that the speakers were young people. People who were either still in university/college or just coming out of uni/college. And the maturity of their thinking and eloquence of their presentation floored me! I was thinking “Wow! These are the type of leaders that we need for the future.”

And really, it gives me hope. Hope that there are more youth like these and that our country is in good hands of these people eventually run our country.

When the floor was opened up to the audience to share their thoughts and views, a 20-year-old college student went up to speak. And I admire his bravery to go up there in front of everyone to rebutt the usual lament that “Young people are ignorant and most don’t know what’s happening in the country” by saying that young people are not given enough credit. That young people DO know what is going on but they just don’t care.

I think this is a very valid statement and he was very honest about it, which is very admirable. But it’s sad at the same time because it reflects on how little we (generalized) value the sacrifices and hard work put in by our grandparents (or great-grandparents, depending on how far back the lineage goes) in order for us to enjoy the citizenship we take for granted today.

Each of us must do our bit. And we can start by registering to vote, and when the time comes, vote wisely. The young lad also brought up another valid point. He mentioned that he will be turning 21 next year and he intends to register to vote. But he has not decided whom to vote for because he feels that each party has its own shortcomings. So, is voting for the lesser of the two evils a good thing? He’s not sure. And I totally understand his point, because I was in that situation before as well.

Until the Hubs explained that, it doesn’t matter if each party has its shortcomings. Every party is bound to have their own agenda. But as long as there is a check-and-balance i.e. one party monitoring the other, then things would be a bit more equal/fairer. It doesn’t solve all issues entirely, but at least, we hope some issues would be minimized. And I get that now.

Also, as another speaker noted, we have the power to put these people in office. When they see that, they will also realize that (or so we hope) we have the power to take it away from them. So they had better perform, or else. I hope this is true.

So to sum it up, yesterday was an eye-opening experience and I hope to be able to contribute more in making positive things happen in our country, however small it may be.

So people, if you haven’t registered to vote, DO IT! If you don’t know how to register, go here. It has all the information you need, so there is no excuse to say “I don’t know how.” Do not give up your right to decide what’s best for you in this country.

The recent trainings/teambuilding events that I’ve attended for work seem to have been somewhat of a soul-searching trip for me because the activities/teachings made me learn more about myself.

Like, for example, how I am a very high C personality (as per my previous post on my DISC personality assessment).

Ever since I can remember, I get very annoyed when people cannot follow simple rules/regulations and instructions, such as not running red lights, queueing up to wait for their turn, not bringing in outside food into the cinema, silencing their phones in the cinema, not throwing thrash out of their cars, not switching off meeting room lights when they are done using the room, and not cleaning up the board when they are done with the room, to name a very few.

I also get very pissed off when people don’t practice what they preach. Like, in the last organization I was attached to, the company was forever preaching their core values like respect for the individual and best people. However, in my last assignment, the partner who was heading the program was one of the main culprits who yells at team members in public and belittles them in full view of others. I remember on several occasions, hearing him berating his managers and senior managers in their weekly status meetings, and this was behind closed doors! Can you imagine how loud he was?! Although I didn’t get ‘hit’ directly by this partner, I couldn’t stand his treatment of the others and this was one of my main motivators of leaving the firm. (Side note : I recently found out that to-date (from April 2009 till now), 72 people have resigned from this project. And this is not including those who resigned when they found out that they were assigned to this project i.e. prior to even commencing work on the project. The attrition rate should count towards the management KPI. Best people? Yeah right. Where are their best people now?)

The most recent experience I’ve had was with the world’s local bank. They sold me their credit card by promising to waive the RM50 govt. fee if I made a minimum of 5 transactions on the card within the month. I transacted 5 times, didn’t pay the RM50 when it was charged to my bill and when they called up to chase for payment, I told them that they were supposed to waive it because I met the requirements. They told me to call up the call center to get it waived, which I did. And the call center agent kindly informed me that they cannot waive fees charged by the govt. Which utterly pissed my off because that was what they promised me in the first place. If they are not allowed to waive govt. fees, then don’t bloody offer it to customers! I am more than willing to pay the fee if they didn’t promise to waive it. Since they informed me that they cannot waive it, I am planning to close all my accounts and terminate any dealings with the world’s local bank. I really hate it when companies promise the sky just to get a sale.

When things like these happen (e.g. organizations or people who do not keep up to their promises), I will do whatever it takes to disassociate myself from them because it disgusts me to be linked to them in any way. I don’t care if the organization is an established one or the person is a well-known/older/more experienced person; I will not ‘give face’. Actually, it’s even more shameful and disgusting that an established organization or a well-known/older/more experienced person would commit something like this because they are supposed to know better!

Now that I know I’m a high C personality, it makes more sense why I cannot tolerate situations like these i.e. non-compliance and lack of integrity.

Back to practicing what we preach. Before I complain about something or someone, I will make sure that I myself don’t do the thing that I am complaining about e.g. if I don’t like people cutting queues, I will make sure that I myself don’t cut queues. What really irks me is that when people complain about something or someone, sometimes I’ll find that they are committing the exact thing that they complained about! Isn’t that like, double standards? If you don’t like it, then don’t do it. Else, you have no right to complain when other people do the same.

Another thing I’ve observed about myself is that when in a group, I will always consider my actions based on the collective good of the group (not sure if this relates directly to my high C personality). For example, if I went on a white water rafting trip with my friends and there are 7 of us in total but the raft can fit max 6 people, I will willingly offer to join another raft so that my 6 other friends can be on the same raft together. I don’t think this is a noble gesture; I think it’s just a logical thing to do to ensure minimal
impact to the group. It’s a simple thing to do but you would be surprised, not many people would offer to do it. Years back, someone mentioned to me that I would be a good hiking team member because I wouldn’t keep my team members back if I were to get caught in a dangerous situation.

There are so many instances I’ve come across where people don’t take responsibility and accountability for their actions, both in and out of work. For example, why do people throw thrash out of their cars? If they can keep their car clean, why not extend it to the roads? Why do people not park within their alloted parking spots? Don’t they realize that when they are out of their box, they are reducing the no. of parking spots for others because the next car won’t be able to park in the next lot? To me, these types of behaviors show one’s selfishness and immaturity.

Ultimately, my principles and values center around integrity, honesty, responsibility and accountability. And not to leave out humility as well. I can be flexible in other aspects but I will not compromise on these.

“Aiyaaaa… what la you, babe”

That’s what Sophie says… dunno why it came into my mind today, hehe…

I’m down with flu bug…. “Aiyaaaaa… how come you like that ar”…. I can just imagine Sophie saying that, LOL!

Clearly my mind is not in its right place at the moment.

o_O

Update : Just realized that I read an email wrongly (read too fast) and volunteered to take up something which I wasn’t even required to do. Ugh! Such dumbness!

~~~~~

It’s been a busy few months and things look like they’re gonna get busier.

Busy is good, as long as it’s manageable.

But I’ve been having many questions in my mind; my whole life seems to be made up of questions. Ugh.

I think the hectic weeks are taking its toll now *cough cough*