I’m usually awake by 6:45am on weekdays. By the time I’m ready to leave for work, I would’ve completed the following chores :

Sweep floor.
Put the laundry in the wash.
Boil water and fill up the thermos.
Feed cats (food).
Feed cats (pills).
Clean cats’ litter pans.
Hang up laundry.
Have breakfast.
Shower.
Dress for work.

All the above, save for the laundry, is done on a daily basis.

~~~~~

It never fails to astound me how some people can be so devoid of initiative… in normal day-to-day tasks as well as life-changing / big decisions. Sometimes it amazes me how they get to where they are today and how they continue living their lives. Sometimes I feel like giving them a good shake and say “Life will be over before you know it if you don’t start getting off your butt.”

I guess it usually takes a life-altering event (like having a brush with death) to motivate one to take action. That is, if one is lucky enough to survive the event.

Sometimes I feel like I get taken for granted.

Usually when someone asks me to do something for them, if I am able to do it, I normally wouldn’t say no.

But sometimes, I just wish people would put in a little effort to try to sort their tasks themselves before asking me to do it for them, especially when the information is readily available and all they need to do is put in a little bit of effort to digest and make sense of the information.

I find that a lot of people would just look at a task on hand and immediately say “I don’t know how” before trying to dig a little deeper to find out the details and how to go about completing the task. And mind you, this is not only work-related. And it bugs me because when they ask me to do it and I find the information so easily on how to complete the task, I’m like “Did they even try?”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy to help someone out, especially if they are having problems or incapacitated to perform their tasks. But it annoys me when people, who are perfectly capable of carrying out their tasks, don’t make the effort to do so before asking someone else to do it.

You are busy, I am busy, everyone is busy. Although I am happy to help you out, it would be helpful if you put in some effort and try to do your homework to complete your task before giving up and asking me to do it.

I should learn how to say ‘no’ sometimes. Because trying to juggle my work and schedule, AND worrying/thinking about other people’s tasks is just too much.

acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance acceptance

This is difficult.

Ohhhhhmmmmmmm…

o_O

So I’m attending a 2-day “Train the Trainer” course and so far it’s been pretty interesting and engaging.

Essentially, we’re learning how to be trainers, how to assess training needs, how to train effectively based on the audience, and so forth.

One of the exercises we did today was to complete a DISC Personality Test.

Drive
Influence
Steadiness
Compliance
(There may be slight variations to the actual personality styles e.g. some sources may not use Compliance but use Conscientiousness instead)

And the result for my personality style (at this point in my life) is :

COMPLIANCE
(personally, I don’t really agree with the usage of this word to describe my personality type because I think compliance is something like conformity, and I generally do not agree with conformity to, say, societal norms. Some things I do comply with, like not bringing in outside food into the cinema to snack on — the rules clearly state this so why bother disputing it or arguing against it. Some things, e.g. if certain people were to tell me to do/not to do something, will make me intentionally want to do the opposite of what they are telling me, just because I don’t wish to comply with their ‘advice’)

Anyway, here are some of the characteristics of the Compliance personality type (those in bold are what I feel are accurate descriptions of my personality) :

General Characteristics
Accurate; analytical. Conscientious; careful. Fact-finder; precise. High standards; systematic.

Value to Team
Perspective : “the anchor to reality.” Conscientious and even-tempered. Thorough to all activities. Defines situation : gathers, criticizes and tests information.

Possible Weaknesses
Needs clear-cut boundaries for actions/relationships.
Bound by procedures and methods.
Gets bogged down in details.
Prefers not to verbalize feelings.
Will give in rather than argue.

Greatest Fear
Criticism

Motivated by
Standards of high quality. Limited social interaction. Detailed tasks. Logical organization of information.

Apparently, we may display different personality types throughout our lives but for me, thus far, my personality has been pretty consistent throughout my adult life.

Hmm…

I have been following some threads on a local forum specifically targetted at brides in Msia, the main reason back then of course was to source for info for my own wedding. But now, it’s more to follow the stories of different members because there is a section where people can share stories of their own marriage, in-laws, and any matters of the heart.

It’s very interesting to read about these stories because I can see much commonality in the culture (the members and audience are mainly Chinese) as well as the differences in mindset and thinking between the members. It’s almost like reading case studies in psychology class

One of the threads that fascinated me was where the brides-to-be shared their stories on the Topic of dowry, who-pays-for-what and who-hosts-the-dinner business. Some of their experiences were so complicated that I Was quite dumbfounded. From the amount of dowry (some of the girls’ parents asked for RM10K!) to another story where this bride was having problems organizing her dinner reception due to her MIL’s indecisiveness (apparently it was dinner for the bride’s side but the groom’s side was paying for it). And don’t even start on the topic of how many tables the groom’s side is offering the bride’s side for the dinner reception.

Interesting though it may be to read these stories, I can’t help but wonder “Why follow customs when it is causing so many issues within the families?” Because when it comes down to it, it is usually the customs practices that are ultimately causing most of the issues faced by these brides/grooms and their families.

Dowry : Do we still need to practice this in this time and age when both sides are usually financially independent and working? And it’s not like the bride is relinquishing her duties and responsibility as a child of her parents, like in the old days. Plus, like my mom said “We are not selling our daughter.” But if people still wish to keep the custom, perhaps they can just give a token and not put so much importance/value on the actual figure/amount involved.

Dinner reception : I think Chinese wedding dinners are one of the most complicated events to organize. First, there’s the practice of having separate dinners for the bride and groom. Then there are others who have joint dinners. Then add in the practice where the groom’s side offers the bride’s side X number of tables for her family and friends in place of dowry. Then add in the ang pows collected where some parents will lay claim on the ang pows (i.e. they get to keep the ang pows) from relatives while their child (bride or groom) gets to keep the rest. Then you have cases where, like one of the members shared, there are some dinners where it’s supposed to be the dinner for the bride’s side but the groom’s side is hosting it *mind spinning* I have no idea what is the customary practice anymore these days. But I’m thinking, why not make it simple – If both sides have separate dinners, then each side pays for their own. If it is a joint dinner, then each still pays for their own based on the number of tables requested. For example, if the bride wants 10 tables and the groom 20, then each pay for their own. As for the ang pows, parents should just let the bride and groom use the money to pay for the dinner because heck, these dinners cost a bomb! If there are any leftover ang pows, the bridge + groom can use it pay off other wedding expenses because aside from the dinner, there’s the flowers, outfits, photography, and other miscellaneous expenses.

Anyway, these are just some of my observations and what I think would simplify the already-stressful job of planning and organizing a wedding. I am a big fan of keeping things simple  It’s one’s big day; why not enjoy it as much as one can instead of stressing oneself out trying to adhere to customs which complicate things further? Some of these customs can be so trivial but end up causing so much problems within the families. Plus personally, I detest doing things just because “it’s always been done this way” or “it’s custom”.

I find it difficult to be nice  to or care about people whom I am not very fond of.

Why I’m not fond of certain people can be due varying reasons, from the way the person treats me to the way the person treats others or how the person carries him/herself.

For me, I see a lot of things in black or white, right or wrong, with a little bit of grey (very little) somewhere on the sidelines. I’m not saying that this is the correct or incorrect way to live life; this is just how I choose to lay my boundaries and limits. I will try to be flexible when necessary but this is the model I will revert to in the general scheme of things.

Conversation with my endocrinologist today…

Doc : So when are you planning to have kids?
Me : I dunno. Kids are so much work.
Doc : Yes they are, but that’s the way to keep the human race from dying out.
Me : (snorts in my head) The human race will not die out. There are already too many of us.
Doc : Not many people think that way. (he said this very matter-of-factly, not in a judgemental way like other people would)
Me : Yeah, unfortunately.

I have a love-hate relationship with my endocrinologist. I like him because he’s a friendly, straightforward doc… and he’s cool because he always asks me about my dancing. And I think he is one of the few people who wouldn’t think I’m crazy or weird if I said I didn’t want to get married (back when I wasn’t) or I didn’t want to have kids. There was one visit a couple of years back when he asked me if I had any plans to get married soon, that time I was still single so I said no and he said “Yah, should take your time. No need to rush. Unlike my niece, her mother is rushing her to get married but I tell her “Take your time and see the world” “(or something to that extent). And today he didn’t give me a whole lecture about why I must have kids and all that when I said I wasn’t ready to have any. He just said “Yah, you should be ready before you have kids.”

But he annoys the heck out of me because each time I go for a visit, he MUST have something to say about my weight! All previous visits before the most recent one, he’s always scared me by saying that I will put on a significant amount of weight when I have kid(s) — 30KG was the figure he mentioned — and that based on the frame of my body, I’m the type who would put on weight easily.

Today, he looked at me and said “You look like you’ve put on weight”. I was like “Are you sure? But my clothes still fit.” Anyway, according to the weighing scale today, I put on 1KG from the last visit, which could be my lunch because I ate before going there. So Doc was proven wrong this time, nyeh nyeh

But I still like good ol’ Dr. Yap… at least he’s not cold like my gynaecologist and I don’t feel like I’m on an assembly line each time I go there (i.e. go in room, she goes right down to business, talks at bullet train speed while getting the check up done, and hustles me out of the room). I need to find a new one. Any recommendations? Has to be a female one though.

What I did last Sunday :

• Woke up at 8am.
• Start laundry.
• Get ready for Pilates.
• Hang up laundry.
• Go for Pilates.
• Buy lunch.
• Pick up cats at parents’ place.
• Get home, eat lunch.
• Clean bathrooms (including scrubbing sinks + toilet bowls and clean mirrors).
• Mop floor.
• Go for Odissi.
• Back from Odissi.
• Crashed on floor.*
• Bring in laundry.
• Shower.
• Dinner.
• Work.

*I was so exhausted, when I got back from Odissi, I just laid flat on my back on the floor (was sweaty, didn’t want to lie on the bed) and promptly dozed off for 20 mins. I vaguely remember my cats coming by my head and sniffing me but I was too tired to bother.

o_O

The more people I observe, the more it is reinforced that most mat salleh men are way better dressed, built, shaped than most Msian men.

Don’t mean to offend anyone with that remark but I can’t help it if it’s a fact.

Me and my colleagues came into this discussion during lunch because we’d just found out that we’re getting a new HoD from Denmark. And the picture of him (yes, the new HoD is a ‘him’) attached with the email looked exactly like one of those male fashion models, and not unlike McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy. Not the pretty boy type, but the more macho, distinguished male type *drools*

And during another lunch, we were chatting with another male mat salleh colleague and he was talking about getting into shape for the Rat Race and he was fascinatingly passionate about his diet plan and exercise regime. I mean, heck, I haven’t heard ANY male friends of mine touch on the topic of diet and exercise, save to complain about having to go to the gym to grudgingly work out.

I’m really curious as to why, in general, mat salleh men are so motivated to take care of their bodies, dress well, and carry themselves well as opposed to Msian men. It is like second nature to them when it comes to keeping in shape and dressing well, like how it is to women the world over.

You know how you always hear stories of men who stray when their wives lose their svelte figures due to childbirth or other reasons, and how society seems to sympathize with these men instead of empathize with the women? I wonder if the situation were reversed — i.e. more women were to stray due to their male partners’ lack of initiative in keeping in shape — would society be as forgiving towards the women.

Was chatting with the receptionist-cum-finance exec-cum-medical technician at my vet’s this evening while waiting for Nessa’s turn.

She was sharing with me that she had a phobia of animals, where she gets really scared to be around them and her heart will start palpitating and she would start trembling, and she’s had this phobia since she was a child. The reason she took up the job at the veterinary clinic was to get over her phobia.

Now, after 3.5 months of being there, she proudly admits that she is no longer afraid of animals and she would consider getting a dog sometime in the future.

I am humbled and full of admiration for her courage take action to address her fear of animals. I think it is so brave of her to put herself out of her comfort zone and do something that was really uncomfortable for her, which produced great results in the end. How many people would take the time and effort to address their fears in order to get over them?

She said that Dr. Vijay (the vet) was really proud of her and I totally agree that this is a great achievement for her because I would imagine that trying to get over one’s phobia(s) would be a tremendously stressful and frightening thing to do :)