Two and a half years down the road, and I’m still reminded of the cake at my wedding.

I absolutely hated that wedding cake! I don’t know how the organizers had it in their minds that this cake was even remotely presentable. If I had seen this cake when we went there to recce the place, I would’ve asked them to change it. Unfortunately, this horrible work of a cake was not; there was a different and a tad nicer cake on display. True, it’s only a fake cake but for crying out loud, they could’ve made a NICE fake cake, right? Now I understand why some people can spend a few thousand bucks just on their wedding cake, coz if left to chance, they could end up with something like this.

Each and every wedding I have attended since then has reminded me of this absolutely effing ugly wedding cake. If anyone believed in omens, this may serve as a bad one. Seriously, have you ever seen such an ugly cake???!!

I really do not understand how we can judge and complain so much about other people’s bad habits and yet we commit some of those I-hate-people-who-do-that acts ourselves.

Yes, of course I know none of us are perfect and we make mistakes sometimes, and it’s understandable. But generally, do we think before we act?

We hate it when people double park (and sometimes obstruct an entire lane), we hate it when people litter, we hate it when people block the crossroad when the traffic lights on their side turn red just because they’re in a rush to get over, we hate it when people beat the traffic lights, we hate it when people jump queue, we hate it when people don’t have the courtesy to give way to allow you to merge into another lane….. basically, we hate it when other people are so selfish and inconsiderate that they put their needs ahead of others and cause an inconvenience to others.

But really, do we even think about it when we ourselves double park or block traffic or jump queue? I admit, I do double park occasionally but only when the road is wide enough so that I don’t obstruct traffic. However, most of the time, I look for legal parking to avoid any trouble even for a less-than-5-min run down for an errand. Most paid parking allows a grace period of X no. of mins before they start charging so I usually get it free anyway And although I’d like to claim that I never beat the traffic lights, there are some who beg to differ so I’ll just admit that I did beat the traffic lights once due to lack of judgement. But I make sure I don’t repeat the behaviour in similar situations, for which I got a lecture when I did slow down for an amber light but that’s another story.

The point here is, before we judge and complain about other people’s bad habits, are we doing all we can to make sure that we ourselves don’t do them? Especially when some of us are supposedly more “spiritually aware” and “righteous” than others due to their strong faith and religious beliefs (because religions do preach such things like “do unto others as you would have them do to you” right?) If not, well, we are nothing but hypocrites.

(I don’t know about you but I know I do consciously think about my actions and its impact on others before making a decision to do something. Again, this does not make me a perfect person. It’s simply called “being considerate”.)

I could swear that there’s some sort of law of attraction (LOA) thing going on with me and people who have strong religious convictions. I seem to keep encountering them unintentionally and I would rather not, because these people cannot seem to accept the fact that other people may not have the same convictions and/or beliefs as they do and they judge you because of it.

I have no issue with people practising whatever faith it is that they believe in. Just because I don’t see religion the way that they do doesn’t mean I think they’re following something that’s wrong or that I would want to try to convince them to see things my way. But if you want to open up a discussion and extol the virtues of your religion, please be prepared to accept the fact that your recipient may disagree with your views and at the end of the day, both parties may need to agree to disagree, without you imposing your views on the other person.

If one were to ask me if I believed in God, I would say yes, I believe in a Higher Being. But that’s where I stop. I strongly believe that one’s faith, whatever it may be, is entirely personal and is between the person and his/her Maker, and really, why does it matter to you whether or not I believe in God?

Recently, this person (let’s call him Kenny) asked me if I believed in God. I say I believe in a Higher Being but I don’t subscribe to any religion because religion, as I see it today, is highly manipulated by man for his own selfish purposes. I don’t deny at all that religion in its true and original form is good and I believe that in essence, all religions preach about the same thing but no, I don’t wish to subscribe to any organized religion because I don’t like what I see, how religion is used to control people, and how it is used to manipulate people and situations. I also went on to express that all religious books have been written by man and the learned people who interpret them for mass folk are also, well, man.

This Kenny person rebutted by saying that religious manuscripts have been proven to be the same from thousands of years back until now so how can I dispute the authenticity of religious text. Thing is, yes, the religious text may be in the same state that they were, but people will choose to interpret the text based on how it would benefit them. Not everyone maybe, but I’ve observed quite a bit of it. For example, I attended a wedding service and the leader was preaching that God made man to be stronger than the strongest animal, gave man the ability to dive deeper than any sea animal… and I’m sitting there thinking, “What kind of bullcrap is this?!” and people were actually listening intently! Ok, sure, God may have given man the brains to build something to make him stronger and dive deeper but that’s it. I was thoroughly disgusted, and I couldn’t wait for the service to end when I could leave.

But Kenny continued to argue that there are certain things in religious text where it leaves little or no room for misinterpretation but I said, the mind is very strong. When it wants to “see” certain things a certain way, it will.

For me, as long as I try my best not to knowingly harm others, I think I’m doing good. Kenny went on to question me how I defined “good” and remarked that how I define good may not be good for others. He gave me an example of how me sitting there (this was in the office) might be harming others. I really didn’t follow his reasoning.

It’s not rocket science to know what is good and what is not. Don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t have ill intentions towards others, amongst others… common sense, no? Of course, we’re not perfect and we slip up here and there, but as long as we try our utmost best to follow these common sense rules and learn from our mistakes, I think it works.

And who are you to question me on what/how I define good? Earlier in the day, Kenny was relating his past work experience where he shared that he’s usually the one who would rebel against any compliance measures within his organization and there was a non-compliance incident that was serious enough where his US-based company had sent in an FBI agent to investigate. He and his managers plotted and cooked up some story and they got off with it. They left the company shortly thereafter and someone new came in to take their roles. However, the incident cropped up some time later and this person was made a scapegoat to take the rap and eventually made to leave the company. All the while relating this story, nothing about Kenny’s manner told me that he was repentant about it. In fact, he sounded proud of it.

Seriously Kenny, not only did you lie to save your sorry @$$, your lies got someone else in trouble, resulting in the person losing her job, and you don’t sound at all remorseful about what you did, and you dare preach to me what’s good and what’s not?! Whatever respect I had for him vanished right then.

See, that’s the problem I have with people who make such a big show of piety and being God-fearing. They make such a big show of it but at the end of the day, a lot of them are hypocrites walking down the street or driving on the roads. You would think that because they are so religiously aware and spiritually awakened, they would behave “better” than us mere mortals. But in all honesty, I have seen that some of these people are even worse than atheists. And the more they try to preach to me the virtues of their religion, the more disgusted, repulsed, and turned off I feel. I am not singling out any specific religion; I have observed the same pattern/trend across different religions. (On another note, why do people fear God? I was told many times that God is loving and all, so why fear Him? Why fear someone who loves you? Why do something just because you fear God’s wrath? Why not do something from the kindness and goodness of your heart instead of doing it because you fear being punished by God or something like that? Wouldn’t He prefer that you do it sincerely from the goodness of your heart rather than just because you fear Him?)

Another account of people who open up the discussion on religion but cannot handle opposing views. Over the New Year, my parents got together with the hubs’ extended family to celebrate the occasion. One of the uncles decided to start a conversation with my dad on his religion. My dad started giving his opposing views and I could see the uncle’s face visibly change, he looked offended even. I was thinking silently, “Yay Dad!” Like I said at the beginning of this post, if you choose to discuss about religion, be prepared to accept opposing views. Getting offended or upset just shows how self-absorbed you are, as if others cannot have a differing view. Having a differing view on religion is vastly different from, say, having an opinion about clean, free and fair elections in a country. For example, currently there’s the Bersih movement here (made up of civil society) calling for reforms to ensure clean, free and fair elections because facts and figures have surfaced on how ‘dirty’ the current electoral role is and how biased the mainstream media is, to name a few of the glaring irregularities. So naturally, I would like to think that every sane person would support this movement because why would anyone NOT want to support clean, free and fair elections? However, there are some people who still choose not to register as voters (citing a million and one excuses) and there are some people who give a blanket statement that “I will make my voice heard at the ballot box”. Seriously, when you think about it, if the current electoral process is unfair and unclean, do you think your vote is going to be of value? It’s not rocket science, mainly just common sense. Comparatively, religion is more subjective and perhaps not as direct and straightforward, hence the differing views.

Let me put it another way. Does my belief (or lack of) in God have an effect in your life? Does it harm you if I do or don’t believe in God? Do you feel like that world will come to an end if I don’t believe in God? However, if you choose not to support clean, free and fair elections, will it affect anyone? Yes, it WILL affect a lot of lives because it means one less voice towards effecting a change to correct our severely flawed system, which will lead to the same corrupted people getting into office and implementing policies that will benefit only a select group of individuals, sidelining the rest of the people. THIS will impact a lot of lives; hence the need for people to collectively stand together to push for reforms.

Mich was suggesting to me that the next time someone talks religion to me, I should just say I believe in God but I do not wish to discuss the topic. But that’s not true. I’m quite open to discuss about religion because that’s one way of learning. I just cannot stomach it when people try to impose their religious beliefs on me and expect me to swallow every single word they say and get offended/upset when I say while I respect their views, I disagree with them. Another thing that irks me is that once they figure out that I’m not buying what they’re saying, they will switch to a condescending mode where their faces will say “Poor lost soul”. Please, spare me your pity. You may think I’m a hopeless cause doomed for hell but at the end of the day, I know that each good deed that I do, I do from the goodness and pureness of my heart, and not because I’m getting merit points or because I fear something bad will come my way. Most of all, I cannot stand some of them who make such a big show of their piety but do not practice what they preach. THAT is the ultimate sin, in my opinion.

That said, again, I have no issue with people practising their respective religions. It really is none of my business what religious views you hold, as long as they don’t bring harm to others. I respect your religious beliefs and I sincerely hope that you respect my beliefs (whatever they may be) as well and not try to impose your views on me.

Real men will think nothing of walking their female friends to their cars at the end of a late night out. They don’t even have to think about it; it comes naturally to them.

Which makes me wonder how some men were brought up, if they can come up with stupid excuses of getting out of it.

It always starts with the small things.

I’m glad to say that all my guy friends are real men.

I must’ve had some really bad experience in my previous life or something, but I really abhor seeing people drunk or drinking themselves silly.

From as far back as I can recall, I remember that I’d get anxious when I come across drunk people and try to steer clear of them because I feel that they have a higher tendency to get violent, talk really loud and offensively, and worst of all, puke their guts out. I admit, I have a phobia of vomiting (emetophobia), either myself or others.

So I can’t for the life of me, ever understand why people consume alcohol until they’re pissed drunk and why people would ever want to get another person drunk.

For the drinker, I think it’s selfish, stupid and disgusting because just for your few hours of fun, others will have to pick up after your mess, and it’s totally shameful because you’d just end up making a fool of yourself. For the people who enjoy getting other people drunk, I think it’s selfish, irresponsible and potentially dangerous due to oh so many factors. All for what? A couple hours of seeing someone being high and making a fool of him/herself? I guess the best part for them is that they don’t have to deal with the mess that takes place after they go home.

So yeah, call me a prude if you wish but I have minimal level of respect for these people. Grow up already! I don’t care if it only happens once a year or once in ten effing years.

How is it that some men have no problems stepping in when the situation warrants for it but others don’t seem to have the balls/guts to do the same?

Disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling when it happens more than once.

Women whose partners actively take care of their own health without constant nagging should thank their fortunate stars that they have one less thing to worry about amonst the many other things they have to worry about like work, family, in-law issues (I don’t know why but it seems that women are more likely to face this issue as compared to men), trying to accommodate everyone and keep everyone happy, including herself.

One of my pet peeves is people who choose not to care about their health when the signs are everywhere. Lifestyle diseases are so common these days, due to our diet and sedentary lifestyle. I used to think that hypertension is a condition that only older people get but now, people in their 30s are getting it!

Of course, both women and men are guilty of not taking charge of their health but I see more women who are more involved in their health than men. ST was so upset with her husband (unhealthy food and no exercise; recently diagnosed with hypertension) that she told him he’s selfish and irresponsible because if anything were to happen to him, it would be her who has to care for him and if/when they had children, she alone would have to care for him AND their kids. And she also told him that if he wanted to continue to be irresponsible, he should just have remained single and not get married. I think that has woken him up a bit because he’s now playing badminton weekly, goes running and yoga classes with her. Good for both of them! I told ST at least her husband listens to sense.

I simply don’t get what is so difficult to understand that your health is your responsibility and ultimately, the key to longevity. The moment one starts getting sick with this condition or that, problems will start. Can’t do this, can’t do that, can’t eat this, can’t eat that. And then you have to start popping pills for the rest of your life. Is that such fun? And the most selfish part is that your loved ones will worry about you and you will burden them with caring for you, in the midst of their hectic schedules. I think that that is just plain ultimate selfishness.

Today I have come to a depressing conclusion that all for-profit companies are the same. Regardless of the “values” they claim to possess and preach, the management team hardly ever walks the talk.

I had initially thought that this company was different, that they at least have a bit of integrity when it comes to practising the values they preach. Unfortunately, naive (or rather, stupid) me got crushed today when the CEO blundered his way through a question on why the management team were given a fleet of new luxury non-hybrid cars when there are hybrid options available, seeing that “being green” seemed to be one of the big values this company preaches. Plus they totally avoided answering the main questions posed by employees and instead chose to answer the “safe” questions only. There were 90+ questions submitted, they answered only 3.

And our cost of living adjustment (COLA) to our salary this year is so pathetic, it’s insulting. The prices of almost everything has gone up. For example, my favorite pan mee at a coffee shop in Glenmarie used to cost RM4, now it costs RM4.50. Petrol prices are increasing, I’ve heard that it’s supposed to increase up to 15% this year. So, as usual, prices go up sky-high but there isn’t even a dent in our salary. Like, for me, after tax deduction, the adjustment is just enough to purchase just one additional tank of fuel per month.

I take back what I said about the company being in sync with my values. This has been proven to be untrue. The management team seems to be like a mini Malaysian govt — they squeeze their employees and vendors dry, and reap all the benefits for themselves and leave us to eat dust. If they’ve got a conscience, I don’t know how they sleep peacfully at night. I know what the hubs would say… “They sleep on 20,000-dollar beds”.

The management not walking their talk was one of the contributing factors of me leaving my previous firm because I cannot stand hypocrites and double standards. That’s where I’ve now come to a conclusion that all companies are the same and I either deal with it and accept it, or leave. Again. Which wouldn’t solve this problem because I would most likely come across the same thing at another organization.

Gawd, how disgusting.

I”m on a roll with these stories on the unfairness of our male-dominated society!

So I’ve this friend, let’s call her Jane, she’s a year older than I am. Jane’s the eldest daughter in her family with 3 younger brothers. Her parents have 2 properties, one condo and one house. Her parents live in the condo with the youngest brother who’s still studying, she and her oldest younger brother live in the house. The 2nd brother is working and lives on his own. Jane pays the installment for the house and shares the utility bills with the brother, I believe.

So her oldest younger brother is getting married. Her parents wanted to get the house renovated because that’s where the brother will be bringing home his new wife for the tea ceremony. Jane was asked to chip in for the renovation, which she did. Her brother, at intervals, would hint at Jane that he was short of budget for his wedding. Like, how her parents and brothers would need new clothes so that they’ll look nice for the wedding. Jane was annoyed “It’s his wedding, why do I need to pay for their new clothes?”. His brother hinted that he wanted a big ang pow from Jane and yellow gold jewelry for his wife. Jane was really annoyed “I’m giving the ang pow, I’ll decide how much to give. If he didn’t ask, I would have given him more. But since he had the nerve to ask, I’ll rethink how much I’m giving.”

Jane was also concerned about how her brother and his wife manage their finances. Their total combined income is around RM8,000 (after deducting EPF and taxes). They currently have 2 car loans and 1 housing loan to pay off. And the brother recently bought another house for about half a million RM. And he traded in one of the cars and bought a new car. So that’s 2 car loans and 2 housing loans to finance on RM8,000 a month, not including their daily expenses like food and travel. Plus they’re holding their wedding, plus they’re trying to have a kid.

Jane also shared that her mom told her, when her dad passes away, the house and condo will go to Jane’s brothers. Jane says “If the property will eventually go to them, why do I have to pay for the installments? They (her brothers) should be paying for it!”. Also, her mom requests from Jane that when she gets married and has her own home, to keep a room for her in case her daughter-in-law doesn’t welcome her in their (her son + wife’s) home.

Jane lamented “When my brother’s in trouble, my mom will ask me to help him. When I’m in trouble, who helps me?”

I was quite appalled when hearing Jane’s stories because I thought this whole “daughters are inferior to sons” practice is less less common these days and at least, my friends wouldn’t be affected because I assume their parents would be a little more open-minded and sensible. To hear that a good friend is actually on the receiving end of this nonsensical custom is too much to bear.

So here’s my take on this :

If the brother wants to get married, he should pay for the wedding and all the necessities on his own. If he can’t afford to pay for it, he shouldn’t be thinking about getting married, let alone having a kid. And definitely not spend on a new car and a new house. And he definitely shouldn’t be asking Jane, on more than one occassion, to help him with the finances for his wedding. I’m sure Jane would have helped him out on her own accord if she saw that he was genuinely struggling, not spending on things he doesn’t need at the moment.

If Jane’s mom/parents insist on giving her sons everything, then they should repay her by taking care of her in her old age. Like, inviting her to stay with them willingly and not burden their sister (although I know most daughters are more than willing to care for their aged parents regardless of how badly the parents have treated them).

I am so glad that my parents have always treated my sis and me equally and fairly, so much so that this value is deeply ingrained in us today. I would like to think that if we had a brother, they would still treat us equally.

A lot of people probably disagree with me but I think something’s seriously wrong with the Asian culture where such blatant discrminination against one’s own children is a norm. And here I thought every child is a gift from God.

After so much awareness being publicized on the cruelty of shark finning (to supply sharks’ fin for the infamous Chinese delicacy of sharks’ fin soup), you can still find sharks’ fin prominently featured in most Chinese restaurants and menus in KL (and I assume, Malaysia).

Some Chinese restaurants will mix real sharks’ fin with the gelatin/flour-made ones, probably to save cost but I’ve been to 3 wedding dinners which had served real sharks’ fin soup (you can tell the difference because the real and fake sharks’ fin look very different and have different texture).
Note : I did not eat the sharks’ fin soup that was served at these dinners.

Honestly, I don’t understand what is the Chinese’ fascination with sharks’ fin. Not only does it not have any nutritional value, it doesn’t even have any taste. But yet, the Chinese still think it’s a delicacy and refuse to stop consuming this dish.

I was glad to note that a recent luncheon held by a Buddhist monk at a major Chinese restaurant chain did not have sharks’ fin on the menu; whether due to budget purposes or genuine concern over the cruelty of shark finning, it didn’t matter. The important thing was there was no sharks’ fin. If there was, I would lose all respect towards the religion and the people practising it because Buddhism is supposed to teach non-violence and not to harm other living beings (based on what little I know of the religion).

However, one thing I’m ashamed of and regret is that sharks’ fin was served during my wedding luncheon. Unfortunately, this decision wasn’t in my control but in hindsight, I think I could have and should have made my stand. Sure, the dish likely consisted mainly of the fake fins but the perception that it was sharks’ fin was bad enough because we still fed the demand for sharks’ fin.

My godbrother’s dad’s commented on this topic :
“We have stopped eating sharks’ fin soup for twenty years now. Every time I’m in a restaurant and I see a table ordering sharks’ fin soup, I will start talking loudly about how they kill shark for fins and the price we will have to pay when we are reborn as shark without fins”

Way to go, Uncle Alan!

I won’t go to that extent (I’m shy!) but I resolve to try to educate people around me on the cruelty of shark finning to feed humans’ unnecessary consumption of sharks’ fin.